Some Days, He Feels Like Dying
by Shay Stark and Raven Rogers
Summary: Jimmy and Will have a love/hate relationship. Slash. Jimmy/Will.


**Author's Note: I do not own the characters of American Idiot, but I do own the plot ideas used. This goes along with the AI universe I have in my head, so have fun exploring that if you should so desire. This follows Kiss The Demons Out Of My Dreams, so if you have not read that yet, this might be a little confusing and will contain spoilers for that story. Read and review and hopefully enjoy. 3**

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**Some Days, He Feels Like Dying**

Withdrawal kills, and on most days, Jimmy is more than willing to let it end his suffering because then the pain will be gone. When he gets bored of the city and decides to take the bus to Jingletown, he did not count on falling for a guy who wants him to get sober. He pays a guy at the 7/11 to tell him where Johnny lives, and the locks on the front door are nothing compared to his lock-picking skills. He has been planning on kicking down Johnny's bedroom door and demanding to know why the little bitch left him in Murder City. Since the suicide attempt, he has moved on enough to be angry about their situation, but in the hallway, his attention is diverted. By the moans and whispers of his name behind a closed door. Always the curious man, he pushes the door open and takes a seat on the bed to watch the nameless man writhe on the sheets and say his name. He is always good at sex with or without the drugs, and apparently, he still has it.

But when the man wakes up and screams and flails around like a bitch, all Jimmy can do is smirk because it is the funniest fucking thing he has seen since he walked into town. The door swings open, and Johnny and Whatsername are standing there, staring at him as if he is the devil incarnate, but maybe to them he is. He bitches at Johnny, takes the kid's hand and touches it to his chest because Johnny still believes the lies Whatsername told him, still believes that Jimmy is a figment of his imagination and not a real person. And when Johnny tries to take a swing at him, the nameless man in the corner takes the punch for him and stands in front of him and defends him. A nice act deserves a reward, and he kisses the goof.

And when the guy, whose name is Will, asks him to stay, he decides to go through with it and stay because the guy is adorable and treats him so well. Fuck Johnny, who spends weeks edging around him before figuring out he is a real person and starts talking to him. Fuck Whatsername, who takes even longer to get used to his presence in the house and still screams every time he accidentally scares her. Will is such a sweet guy, and he makes up for the stupidity of his roommates with that sweetness.

He only asks that Jimmy get clean so he can stay in the apartment, and when Jimmy flushes the rest of his drugs down the toilet, the withdrawal kicks in. For the first few days, his body cramps so severely he alternates between lying in bed and soaking in a tub of hot water. He can barely eat, and when he does, he vomits it back up within the hour and drags himself to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Some days, that makes his stomach roil even more, and he has to throw up again, and then his mouth tastes like bitter vomit and mint until he has to throw up again. He is glad Will has work on these days because he does not want the man he is starting to fall in love with to see him in this condition. When Will does come home, Jimmy is already in bed for the night, and thankfully, he can sleep through the night. It takes three weeks for the pain to finally pass, but when he wakes up without pain and runs to tell Will, who is off for the day, he is harshly reminded he is Will's second choice.

Will is sitting on the floor of the living room, on top of a large blue blanket spread across the carpet, and he is cooing at a baby crawling across the floor to him. Sitting on the couch is Heather, looking spectacular in a scoop-neck teal top and a pair of skintight jeans. Her hair is fluffed up, a burnished gold, and her bright blue eyes are glittering like sapphires despite the gray light from the cloudy day outside. She laughs at Will's baby-talk and croons some of her own, and neither of them notices him standing just by the wall. When she slides onto the floor and crawls over to sit by Will, both of them focused on their child, Jimmy sees the life Will could have had if he and Heather were still together. Shocked into silence, Jimmy numbly remembers the fact that he has not yet met Will's son and chews his bottom lip in thought at that. He watches Will put his arm around Heather's shoulders and backs into the hallway, returning to the room and slamming the door so his supposed boyfriend will know he is pissed off. Then he locks the door, flops across the bed, and goes back to sleep. He does not want to deal with the problem, and he just wishes the withdrawal will kill him.

But it does not, and when he wakes up at eleven thirty at night and goes to get himself a Coke from the fridge, he finds Will asleep on the couch with the TV on. He turns off the TV and takes the blanket from their bed to cover Will, then goes back to their room, locks the door, flips on the light, and starts writing in one of the dozen notebooks he keeps in the room. Jimmy is no great man of words, but he likes to write down what he thinks and feels so he can process it all. Ten pages in, he is aware someone is knocking at the door and hides his notebook before answering. It is Will, and he looks pissed, but he only lies down on the bed and goes back to sleep. After a few minutes of silence, Jimmy goes back to writing and fills another ten pages before leaving the apartment to find a job around ten in the morning.

When he comes home that afternoon, having managed to snag a menial job working at a drug store, he finds Will waiting for him with his notebook in hand. Instead of trying to hide the book before he left, Jimmy left it out with the hope his boyfriend would find it. They talk. Will reassures him and kisses away the insecurities, and they go to bed happy for a change. In the morning, Will drags him across the hallway to meet his son, Bobby, and all is well. Heather stays within sight, but she keeps her distance and watches from the kitchen as Jimmy tentatively holds the one-year-old in his arms. He is not much of a kid person himself, but there is something magical about holding his boyfriend's son, and the kid actually seems to like him. After the visit, he and Will get ready for work, kissing goodbye before Will drives off and Jimmy walks the six blocks to work.

There are still bad days, days where Jimmy spends the day lit hours walking through Jingletown while Will fumes at home. Days when Jimmy wishes the withdrawal had killed him because he cannot deal with the fact the man he loves does not seem to want him. They drift apart to the point where he wants to leave, but in some way or another, he is convinced to come home, and when he does, Will does something to reassure him he made the right choice in staying. Some days, he sits in their room and wonders what he will do when Will gets sick of him. But on most days, he is content to come home after a long day at work, put his feet up, and snuggle with the man he loves. Love is, after all, all he has left.


End file.
